When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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