you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
