Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
