a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This baby is an asshole
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
