The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
