He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
