I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
