we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
