I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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