I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
