He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
