Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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