She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize