I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
