shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
