Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
