I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You left your phone here
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