hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
