youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
