I wish I could punch you in the face.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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