This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dignity is for republicans.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
