the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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