As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
