Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
