Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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