Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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