Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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