The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
