just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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