I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
