If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
