Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
