i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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