I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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