I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
