ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
