We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
where does the pee come out of this thing
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
