I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
