so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
