I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
