Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
