what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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