great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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