he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
