dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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