my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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