the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
