I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Thank you for not boning my boss.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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