It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
