Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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