Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
