He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
