this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
