I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
