you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
