Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
