I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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