Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
