i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
