I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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