I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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