if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
