one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
