You're so nebulous sometimes
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
