I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
