Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I am one with the molecules
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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