Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
