why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
