i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
