There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
