Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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