I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
