So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
