he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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