She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
