A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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