just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
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I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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