I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.