Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".

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(305): I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang". http://tfl.nu/9dw0

Replies (68) Good night (26124) Bad night (1547)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.

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(301): I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa. http://tfl.nu/sbm1

Replies (91) Good night (31549) Bad night (1375)
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(914): View more from New York

she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?

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(914): she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal? http://tfl.nu/dwfw

Replies (20) Good night (1417) Bad night (4262)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.

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(859): I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college. http://tfl.nu/f01w

Replies (9) Good night (4782) Bad night (1151)
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(819): View more from Quebec

I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.

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(819): I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me. http://tfl.nu/9k8k

Replies (4) Good night (1301) Bad night (2360)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore

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(910): He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore http://tfl.nu/tias

Replies (6) Good night (1193) Bad night (1417)
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(867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly

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(867): I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly http://tfl.nu/gz7h

Replies (3) Good night (874) Bad night (1731)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.

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(910): I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with. http://tfl.nu/a0xq

Replies (15) Good night (1284) Bad night (679)
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(626): View more from California

So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.

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(626): So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential. http://tfl.nu/3n2i

Replies (5) Good night (2815) Bad night (719)
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(731): View more from Tennessee

We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.

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(731): We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage. http://tfl.nu/1q8x

Replies (5) Good night (2992) Bad night (635)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me

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(218): Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me http://tfl.nu/p7wy

Replies (2) Good night (953) Bad night (334)
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(512): View more from Texas

I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?

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(512): I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day? http://tfl.nu/bpfn

Replies (4) Good night (1037) Bad night (414)
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(618): View more from Illinois

Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering

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(618): Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering http://tfl.nu/gyh2

Replies (4) Good night (644) Bad night (365)
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(816): View more from Missouri

so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?

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(816): so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet? http://tfl.nu/ne2f

Replies (2) Good night (642) Bad night (334)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.

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(808): In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it. http://tfl.nu/3ucc

Replies (4) Good night (348) Bad night (413)

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