first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
