I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?