im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear