Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...