The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame