remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
