if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What a dumb baby whore.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
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Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.