You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
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I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.