I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..