Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?

(1-248): View more from Michigan

be more specific...?

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(248): whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen? (1-248): be more specific...? http://tfl.nu/5e4s

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(678): View more from Georgia

why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?

(770): View more from Georgia

I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

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(678): why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning? (770): I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle http://tfl.nu/6kcj

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(251): View more from Alabama

Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance

(303): View more from Colorado

It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.

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(251): Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance (303): It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime. http://tfl.nu/1z36

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(314): View more from Missouri

I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.

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(314): I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle. http://tfl.nu/i8jn

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(678): View more from Georgia

I gave up sex for lent.

(646): View more from New York

I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.

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(678): I gave up sex for lent. (646): I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter. http://tfl.nu/87gp

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.

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(651): Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you. http://tfl.nu/jbfy

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(502): View more from Kentucky

So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?

(1-502): View more from Kentucky

eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.

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(502): So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut? (1-502): eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material. http://tfl.nu/j1ps

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(734): View more from Michigan

How was the bike ride?

(1-734): View more from Michigan

Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.

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(734): How was the bike ride? (1-734): Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups. http://tfl.nu/2qrl

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(407): View more from Florida

We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."

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(407): We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression." http://tfl.nu/hom0

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(209): View more from California

Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.

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(209): Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night. http://tfl.nu/9abu

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(616): View more from Michigan

whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.

(231): View more from Michigan

i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.

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(616): whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook. (231): i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment. http://tfl.nu/fvdt

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(360): View more from Washington

sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.

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(360): sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name. http://tfl.nu/z35x

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(254): View more from Texas

By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.

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(254): By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook. http://tfl.nu/9v3n

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(309): View more from Illinois

Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,

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(309): Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning, http://tfl.nu/hwbb

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.

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(814): Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds. http://tfl.nu/uh0q

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