Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
