I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There r osticjed everywhere
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
